the end is near...

another semester is coming to an end yet again... seems like time just keeps racing past... and i can't help but wonder what i've accomplished this semester... whether it's been an eventful one, or one i ought to write off as yet another waste of a couple of months of my youth....

when i look back on the other 3 semesters.. it's difficult not to think that perhaps, just perhaps, i was too caught up with the demands of architecture school to fully cherish those i love and the little things... i mean. indeed. being in archi has taught me to cherish the littlest things... but... when time's racing past you and you constantly have an endless checklist of assignments you need to complete, aspects of your design you need to resolve or improve, water and air-conditioning systems you need to understand, cadding software you need to master........ it's so easy to just get roped into all of it and dissolve yourself in it all... and before you know it, another 3months has just whizzed past your ear without you even realising it.... and all you have to show for it are the assignments you rushed out, aspects of design resolved and improved, but that can still be further resolved or improved on (i swear. it NEVER ends... till submission hour arrives....) and water and air-conditioning systems that you studied and tried to understand and only understand parts of it... some parts of which you'll probably never fully understand.. (engineer's job, not mine. :p)

*takes a deep breath*

yeah. so. what have i accomplished this semester? (apart from the lovely performance and managing to tear my immune system to shreds)

honestly, i haven't a clue. i could stall for time and say,"oh. how can i say for sure when the semester hasn't ended yet?" but all that would be is a pathetic excuse.. because technically, it HAS ended. all that's left now are exams (barring the oh-so-important-and-triply-weighted submission for design...) and then it's the long-but-never-long-enough break here once again...

well. to hell with what i've accomplished this semester. i'll start afresh. a list of what i wanna accomplish this holiday. (yeah... *sheepish* i'm slacking off final production to blog about what i wanna do over the hols.. heh...)

1. DEFINITELY clear my room THEN do it up nicely...
2. learn autocad.
3. play with saffron as much as possible before she leaves.....
4. kbox like mad

think just these four will do for now.. as it is... me thinks these four will knock me out. :p great. feel rejuvenated somehow.. just by thinking of the hols... :)

back to work it is then...... ciao for now... leave you all with this song.. that's possibly overplayed.. especially in studio last sem.. i used to not be able to sleep without this and the bossa works on loop.... yet.. i never took note of the lyrics.... and well, yeah...it is so nice......... :)

So Nice by Astrud Gilberto

Someone to hold me tight
That would be very nice
Someone to love me right
That would be very nice
Someone to understand
Each little dream in me
Someone to take my hand
To be a team with me

So nice, life would be so nice
If one day I'd find
Someone who would take my hand
And samba through life with me

Someone to cling to me
Stay with me right or wrong
Someone to sing to me
Some little samba song
Someone to take my heart
And give his heart to me
Someone who's ready to
Give love a start with me

Oh yes, that would be so nice
Should it be
You and me
I could see
It would be nice

Someone to cling to me
Stay with me right or wrong
Someone to sing to me
Some little samba song
Someone to take my heart
And give his heart to me
Someone who's ready to
Give love a start with me

So nice, that would be so nice
Should it be
You and me
I could see
It would be nice

the future

the same thing i've been pondering about of late is plaguing me again today... as i sit at the table, desperately trying to psyche myself into a work-churning mood for design and structural consult tmr... for construction consult on tuesday... the future..

school's killing me.. the stress.. the demands of us.... the expectation of us living up to these demands... not that they're unreasonable.. not from an archi perspective at least.... but my future in this seems so unclear now..... will i last? can i hold out in this ever-challenging and demanding world of design?

what does it hold for me... for us...... i want what i have now to last.... but how will that happen? indeed.... i think too much.. WAY too much for my own good... if only i could think that much about design... i wouldn't be in the rut i'm currently in...

are differences in beliefs, principles... character... what make a union unique and interesting, worth holding onto..? or will it destroy what we have...? they say "opposites attract"... indeed... they attract... but do they hold? *sigh*

not even sure why i'm thinking about all this... but these two songs are in my head just now.....

i really want you to be whoever you want to be... to do whatever you want to.... i just hope... i'm a part of what you want for your future.....


Burn by Nina feat. Christian Bautista

Do u wanna be a poet and write
Do u wanna be an actor up in light
Do u wanna be soldier and fight for love
Do u wanna travel the world
Do u wanna be a diver for pearls
Or climb a mountain, touch the clouds above

Be anyone u want to be
Bring to life your fantasies
But I want something in return

I want u to burn
Burn for me baby!
Like a candle in my night
Oh burn, burn for me
Burn for me!

Are u gonna be a gambler and deal
Are u gonna be doctor and heal
Or go to heaven and touch God's face
Are u gonna be a dreamer who sleeps
Are u gonna be a sinner who weeps
Or an angel under grace

I'll lay down on your bed of coals
Offer out my heart and soul
But in return

I want u to burn
Burn for me baby!
Like a candle in my life
Oh burn, burn for me,
Burn for me!

Oh
I want u to burn, baby
Oh
Laugh for me, cry for me
Pray for me, lie for me
Live for me, die for me

I want u to burn
Burn for me, baby!
Like a candle in my life
Oh burn, burn for me, baby
Burn for me

I want u to burn
I want u to burn... for me baby!
Oh yeah
Burn for me... (Burn for me)


Atlantic by Keane

I hope all my days will be lit by your face
I hope all the years will hold tight our promises
I don’t want to be old and sleep alone
An empty house is not a home
I don’t want to be old and feel afraid

I don’t want to be old and sleep alone
An empty house is not a home
I don’t want to be old and feel afraid

And if I need anything at all
I need a place that’s hidden in the deep
Where lonely angels sing you to your sleep
Though all the world is broken
I need a place where I can make my bed
A lover’s lap where I can lay my head
Because now the room is spinning
The day is beginning

expectations

Expectations. No... not great ones... just the little ones along the way that we all have of people and ourselves in our everyday lives.... these little things we hoped and wished people would say or do.... little things that couldn't POSSIBLY get us all worked up and upset..... but the truth is.. THEY DO.

So often I find myself being "selfless" or "self-sacrificial", or at least that's what people on the outside see and think... that i'm doing many things and giving up many things for the those i love.... am i really? OR.. am i truly just being SELFISH? more often than not, we do things for others expecting something in return... doing something, putting in lots of effort, just so we may hear someone say "Good job!"... or going out of our way just so we may spend just that little bit more time with someone that means a whole lot to us... and hoping, just hoping... that maybe that little bit more time was as appreciated and treasured by that someone.........

and don't we all get just that WEE bit disappointed... when that "Good job!" or even any acknowledgement of appreciation, doesn't come our way... at least.... not in the way we imagined it would...

then comes the greater expectation.... not of praise or acknowledgement... something slightly bigger.... that people do the same for us. that someone works just as hard on something as we have.... be it projects, assignments, relationships.... and with a greater (however slightly) expectation comes, invariably,... a greater disappointment when it fails to take place......

SO. the solution is a simple one.. no? just... don't expect anything at all! do things YOU wanna do.... whenever YOU want to... if you wanna reorganise your timetable for the week, or take time off other important things like work and friends, just for that little bit of extra time spent with some people, go ahead and do it! do whatever it is that YOU want to...... just don't expect it to be done FOR YOUR SAKE.... don't even expect your efforts to be recognised....... BECAUSE YOU WERE HAPPY DOING IT ALL.... and that's reward enough... and if the reciprocation and recognition comes your way, that's a bonus... that's all it is.. a bonus..

easier said than done.