clingers

hypocrisy. double standards.

i realise i'm guilty of it...

there was a time (and maybe i STILL do...) when i looked upon certain people scornfully and with distaste... girls mainly... attached girls to be slightly more specific... CLINGY attached girls, to be exact.

the idea of being so clingy and dependent and whiney/whingey and spineless and of no self-opinion all at once. it disgusted me. still does.

so why have i turned out slightly like that then?

no way. definitely not the "...of no self-opinion" part... nor the spineless part.. and maybe not even the whiney/whingey part... or at least only occasionally.. deliberately.. to cause deliberate irritation... but the clinginess and dependence???

i write this in shame... for i can all but deny that i am a partner-dependent [you-dependent, to be precise] c-l-i-n-g-e-r*...

thus. i have resolved myself to changing that. i will make a conscious effort to not be too dependent, to not need to hear from people constantly, to not need to be with people constantly, to not... sigh..... to think i even used the word "need" as opposed to "want".... am i too far gone for the situation to be salvaged? :(

i will not be so needy anymore. i will not desire too much henceforth. it's not ever been like this.... so i guess it must count for something if it is now...?

i will master it.
the art of detachment.
however slight...


* think every letter, spat out with disgust, whispered in shame...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

been listening to this song quite a bit of late... quite apt... since i'd give almost anything to be near home right now...... *shrug* the evil that is Exams disallows it.... for all those away from home.....


Home by Michael Buble

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
"I'm fine baby, how are you?"
Well, I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
I've got to go home

Let me go home
I'm just too far
From where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
This was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day
Has come and gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Let me go home
Oh I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby I'm done
I gotta go home

Let me go home
It'll all be alright
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home