it's been a long time coming... again

i'm obviously not an avid blogger. my track record of posts shows this to be true. yet... every now and again i get the urge to pen my thoughts down.. well, in this case, 'type' would be more correct.. :) i guess that's why i keep this blog going..

so much has happened in the last few years of my life, and it's sad in some way that all i have to show for it are these few meagre posts (and almost always gloomy in some way or another).

so. updates.


1
i need to change the url for my blog.. THIS blog..
'future architect' is now pretty irrelevant, seeing as i'm probably not going to be an architect.. :p don't ask me what i'm going to be instead cos right now the future's so unclear i don't even know what's going to happen next week. (apart from the 3day KL field trip that's a definite event. heh.)


2
i'm in my last semester of an undergraduate bachelor's degree course in architecture. i'm not sure if i'm going to come out of it alive-and-kicking, or alive-but-crawling, or if i'll even come out alive. but as i've said to some, i'm gonna try to make this last one worth my while.

as such. i've undertaken a music module that's smashingly fun (literally. we hit on various drums and sticks and all manner of instruments as tutorials.. :)..) and i've come to a realisation.. i'm loving music more and more, and perhaps i shouldn't have given up the piano oh-so-long-ago. but life shouldn't be wasted on regrets yes? so i've resolved. i'm finally going to go sign up for those lessons i've been procrastinating.


3
i'm being given an opportunity to reevaluate my life, my priorities, my habits, and to decide which are good enough to keep, which need improvement, and which should be discarded... cos rie's getting married, and there'll be one more member added to the family, and nat and saff are moving back to singapore and back home with us.

it's like the cumulation of everything - my graduation, having to decide what i want to do with my life... and that to be fair to me, everyone else in the family's having life-changing shifts at around the same time.. i don't know if it'll be too overwhelming for everyone.. having to deal with a newly graduated, unemployed, extra mouth to feed, whilst having to deal with a new son/brother/uncle, with the apartment having to now accommodate 8people again (from the current 4), and that these are issues to be dealt with amidst the other more pressing ones like moving and wedding arrangements! it's like these are all pieces that fit together into one crazy ass family drama serial. :) "The Choos", two-hour long special.. except that instead of two hours, it'll span across an entire year... :p

all this makes for a very exciting year ahead.. not to mention unpredictable, stressful, nerve-wrecking, head-splitting, hair-pulling..!!!

suffice to say.. we're gonna have alot on our plates this 2009. :)


4
i've been singing.
anybody who's close to me knows i've been singing, and only those who are close to me would bother stopping by to read my rants/ramblings. so i'm sure you guys all know. :) and although the pay's been cut, and the number of sets' been cut, and we've only a pitiful audience each week, i must say this is one of the most rewarding things i've ever done..

there are perhaps few things in my life i can say i'm truly proud of, that make me feel i have a 'purpose', that get me all excited, or that increase my self-worth.

being good at maths and loving it is one. i get excited at the mere prospect of having to work on a maths problem (only easy ones now though, seeing as i'm out of touch). :p

being sociable and able to talk to anyone about (almost) anything, and be genuinely interested in what they have to say is another.

being great at pictionary, drawing under the stress of a time limit, being able to think on my feet (at least up until my sisters boycotted me, saying i memorised all the cards...) might have been another.. :)

but i believe singing is one of the few things, if not the only one, that makes me believe i was brought into this world for a reason.. that i might actually make a difference in people's lives somehow, however slight, by touching them with song...

and i'm really glad that i'm now able to share this amazing gift i've been given with more people.. i've been blessed, and i'm just so thankful, and grateful, and ever so humbled by the experiences this has brought me.. and maybe rie's right.. maybe i should go into religious music.. or maybe not.. all i know is, everyone's supposed to make something of their lives... and for me, at this point, i feel like i've finally found my 'something'... :)


so i ask God to help us get through it all unscathed, and thank Him for being here for us every step of the way.. and for bringing us all back together and back to Him again...
so.. i sign off with these two songs as a tribute.. (and very nice songs too, if i may add)...



On The Side of Me by Corrinne May

I'm not the easiest person to love
I'm often the one who lets things
Go unresolved

Yet you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
Yeah you choose to be on the side of me
On the side of me

I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Yet you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
Blessed Charity
You're on the side of me
On the side of me

'Cause everyone needs a friend to hold
When it's cold outside
And there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
All alone I cried
There was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
But you

I'm not the easiest person to love
But you, you've opened your heart to show me
What I'm worth

'Cause you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
What a mystery
You're on the side of me
On the side of me

'Cause everyone needs a friend to hold
When it's cold outside
And there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
All alone I cried
There was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you...

Yeah you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me


* * * * *


On My Way by Corrinne May

I'm far away from what I've known
And there's static on the radio
Just a girl in a car on a lonely highway
I've been up and down this winding road
It's getting dark, the stores are closed
The map is wrinkled, my coffee's turned to grey

But I'm on my way, I'm on my way
There seems to be no end in sight
But I know I'll be alright
'Cos I'm on my way, I'm on my way
Sweet embrace, I'm on my way

So many beat-up cars on this dirt road
I see them sputter and start to choke
How many miles must I go till I rest in your grace?
I feel like giving up and letting go
Let the world invade my mind, my soul
Will this road make me a sinner or a saint?

But I'm on my way, I'm on my way
There seems to be no end in sight
But I know I'll be alright
'Cos I'm on my way, I'm on my way
Don't give up on me, I'm on my way

I can picture your smiling face
Your arms stretched to hold me
Waiting there by the gate
If I ever get lost, I know that you'll find me
There's a cross on the hill
Saying, "Do not be afraid"

I'm on my way
If I keep you in my sight
I know I'll be alright

'Cos I'm on my way, I'm on my way
There seems to be no end in sight
But I know I'll be alright
'Cos I'm on my way, I'm on my way
Don't give up on me, I'm on my way

I'm on my way

it's been a long time coming

so. i've been away (from blogging at least) for... almost 9months? seeing as i'll be embarking on a whole new adventure in a couple of days.. i figured now's as good a time as any other for jumping back aboard the blogging ship.

it's been a hectic few months.. first the last couple of months of my stay in korea... which i miss terribly right now.. then the next couple of months this semester... slogging away for RIBA Part I...

now i'm all through with that. and ready to begin the next chapter:

Architecture Year 4 Semester 1.

yet. before i embark on that journey, there's another one more pressing (and definitely more exciting) that awaits me in the coming week. at any mention of it being "5weeks" everyone seems to have the same thought... of it being a grad trip... well. it isn't a grad trip if i ain't graduating is it? so... it's a third year trip. :)

thus, with each opportunity i get (at a cyber cafe or a friend's laptop and dorm internet access) i will be updating you, my dearest friends and relatives, of the exciting adventures that await me in Europe.

and in usual fashion, i sign off with lyrics to two songs i love so very much.. the first from one of my favourite musicals.. and the second.. one of the nicest musical songs....


Now That I've Seen Her from "Miss Saigon"

It's alright
It's alright if I just imagine
She's not here, she's not real
And I can tell myself it's all okay

But she's real
And my heart cries this isn't happening
But the truth is cold and real
And I know this storm won't go away

Now that I've seen her
There's no way to hide
She is not some fling from long ago
Now that I've seen her
I know why he lied
And I think it was better when I didn't know

In her eyes
In her voice
In the heat that filled the air
Part of him still lingers there

I know what pain her life today must be
But if it all comes down to her or me
I don't care
I swear I'll fight

Now that I've seen her
She's more than a name
I don't hate this girl even so
Now that I've seen her
I can't stay the same
Who's this man that I've trusted?
Now I have to know


As If We Never Said Goodbye by Barbara Streisand

I don't know why I'm frightened
I know my way around here
The cardboard trees, the painted seas, the sound here
Yes! A world to rediscover
But I'm not in any hurry
And I need a moment

The whispered conversations
In overcrowded hallways
The atmosphere as thrilling here as always
Feel the early morning madness
Feel the magic in the making
Why! Everything's as if we never said goodbye

I've spent so many mornings
Just trying to resist you
I'm trembling now, you can't know how I've missed you
Missed the fairytale adventures
In this ever-spinning playground
We were young together

I'm coming out of makeup
The lights already burning
Not long until the cameras will start turning
And the early morning madness
And the magic in the making
Yes! Everything's as if we never said goodbye

I don't want to be alone
That's all in the past
This world's waited long enough
I've come home at last

And this time will be bigger
And brighter than we knew it
So watch me fly, we all know I can do it
Could I stop my hand from shaking
Has there ever been a moment
With so much to live for

The whispered conversations
In overcrowded hallways
So much to say, not just today but always
We'll have early morning madness
We'll have magic in the making
Yes, everything's as if we never said goodbye

Oh please
Don't ever, ever make me say
Goodbye

just some photos...

anything i can do to cheer myself up...

emotional fuckwittage

on a much less noble level of thought (self-absorption, to be more accurate) than my last entry... i have come to realise (high time i did too...) what an emotional fuckwit i am.

to quote one of my favourite fictional characters of all time... everything i do.. and allow myself to think or feel.. everything i stupidly allow through my heart's walls... it's all emotional fuckwittage.

and i wish i had nothing to do with it. wish i could just.. block it all out. but there's something dysfunctional about my personal firewall... argh.

okokokokokokok.

enough of all that. emotional fuckwittage though it may be, everyone has to deal with it. and if everyone else can somehow survive dealing with it, then i can too. if not with a little difficulty.

so.

just a few updates on my EXCITING life here in korea..

currently taking (confirmed) 5 modules.. Design, History of Western Architecture, Construction Management (my three compulsory modules..), Korean for Foreigners, and General Structure.

As you all already know.. what with all my gushing... my design tutor is cute. my history tutor is brilliant/lovely (she has a BRIT accent!!! and brit humour and sarcasm and charm and... etc. :p). my construction management tutor is funny/interesting (he types on a word document as he speaks.. so that we can understand him. both us singaporeans AND koreans. :p).

Our korean tutor is a REAL expert on the english language!!! gosh. not that i'm any gauge to go by but.. IN ANY CASE, i didn't even know HALF the stuff about the english language that she explains in class.. in comparison to korean. ahhaha.. (that was a slight quip at her expense.. she says "in any case" like... a million times in a lesson. :p) korean's been a blast. :p i swear i love learning languages. really really think i might be in the wrong degree course. :p

General structure is cool. (cos my cute guy takes it.. haha..) the tutor (the ONLY reason i wanted to take this module... cute guy taking it is a mere bonus. *sheepish grin*) was the structural engineer for Taipei 101.. and he's really... well... he REALLY knows his stuff! and it's a case of... us all (4 of us take this.. harvey, chaur jyh, co seng and i) already knowing the basics.. but... it's still enriching.. and we're still learning new stuff... :) it's cool. (not to mention the fact that i now get to see my cute guy THRICE a week instead of the initial once. hahahha...)

anyhooooow. me heading to london. is a blessing. a HUGE blessing, if i may add. me being able to stopover over in Singapore! is mindblowingly, out-of-this-world-ly awesome. how i ever even managed to be blessed this much (not to mention all the "luck" i've had here in korea....) i will never understand...

it's almost like... now that i've begun serving Him again... in the best way i know how... He's blessing me three-, four-fold... and as undeserving as i am........ i'm just overflowing with gratitude..... then human greed takes over... and i wish, hope and pray that the same blessing can befall me in the case of matters of the heart... i hate it. it's currently top of my "Organs I Hate" list. if not for the fact that it keeps me alive, i'd dump it.

so.. thanks Lord. for everything. enough said.

so. in between having to deal with all the emotional fuckwittage in my life... i've been getting by... with school and life and everything.. and settled in and all.. and i love this campus. i love this experience (once again... something i'm truly truly grateful for). thanks ma and pa... for allowing me this chance.... and while we're at it... thanks for making my london trip (and brief visit home) possible.

alright. been rambling on enough... taken to listening to this nice nice song. a little old now. i guess. but it's beautiful... if not a little saddening... but. being saddening should not stop a song from being recognised for being as nice as it is. :)

so. i leave you all with this... and may everyone be as blessed and as grateful as i.


Strange and Beautiful by Aqualung

I've been
Watching your world from afar
I've been
Trying to be where you are
And I've been
Secretly falling apart
Unseen

To me
You're strange and you're beautiful
You'd be
So perfect with me but you just
Can't see
You turn every head but you don't
See me

I'll put a spell on you
You'll fall asleep
When I put a spell on you
And when I wake you
I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realise that you love me

Sometimes
The last thing you want comes in first
Sometimes
The first thing you want never comes
But I know
That waiting is all you can do
Sometimes

I'll put a spell on you
You'll fall asleep
When I put a spell on you
And when I wake you
I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realise that you love me

I'll put a spell on you
You'll fall asleep
Cause I put a spell on you
And when I wake you
I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realise that you love me
Yeah...

autumn sonata...

it's been a while.. been busy with school.. have a lovely belinda-ish tutor for history of western architecture.. and she's lovely!!! think i have a sort of crush on her... miao and i set up an EFC - Eunice Fan Club. haha...

anyway... my studio tutor is cuuuuuuuute... professor han jin taek... he's an architect with Space group.. and he's cool too.. in terms of the perspectives he has and the comments he always has at the end of presentations... (maybe it helps to have cute tutors, you think? :p)

he began studio proper with an essay he wanted us to read...

Chief Seattle's Letter to All People

"The President in Washington sends word that he wishes to buy our land. But how can you buy or sell the sky? The land? The idea is strange to us. If we do not own the freshness of the air and the sparkle of the water, how can you buy them?

Every part of the earth is sacred to my people. Every shining pine needle, every sandy shore, every mist in the dark woods, every meadow, every humming insect. All are holy in the memory and experience of my people.

We know the sap which courses through the trees as we know the blood that courses through our veins. We are part of the earth and it is part of us. The perfumed flowers are our sisters. The bear, the deer, the great eagle, these are our brothers. The rocky crests, the dew in the meadow, the body heat of the pony, and man, all belong to the same family.

The shining water that moves in the streams and rivers is not just water, but the blood of our ancestors. If we sell you our land, you must remember that it is sacred. Each glossy reflection in the clear waters of the lakes tells us of events and memories in the life of my people. The water's murmur is the voice of my father's father.

The rivers are our brothers. They quench our thirst. They carry our canoes and feed our children. So you must give the rivers the kindness that you would give any brother.

If we sell you our land, remember that the air is precious to us, that the air shares its spirit with all the life that it supports. The wind that gave our grandfather his first breath also received his last sigh. The wind also gives our children the spirit of life. So if we sell you our land, you must keep it apart and sacred, as a place where man can go to taste the wind that is sweetened by the meadow flowers.

Will you teach your children what we have taught our children? That the earth is our mother? What befalls the earth befalls all the sons of the earth.

This we know: the earth does not belong to man, man belongs to the earth. All things are connected like the blood that unites us all. Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.

One thing we know: our God is also your God. The earth is precious to Him and to harm the earth is to heap contempt on its Creator.

Your destiny is a mystery to us. What will happen when the buffalo are all slaughtered? The wild horses tamed? What will happen when the secret corners of the forest are heavy with the scent of many men and the view of the rip hills is blotted with talking wires? Where will the thicket be? Gone. Where will the eagle be? Gone. And what is to say goodbye to the swift pony and then hunt? The end of living and the beginning of survival.

When the last red man has vanished with this wilderness, and his memory is only the shadow of a cloud moving across the prairie, will these shores and forests still be here? Will there be any of the spirit of my people left?

We love this earth as a newborn loves its mother's heartbeat. So, if we sell you our land, love it as we have loved it. Care for it, as we have cared for it. Hold in your mind the memory of the land as it is when you receive it. Preserve the land for all children, and love it, as God loves us.

As we are part of the land, you too are part of the land. This earth is precious to us. It is also precious to you.

One thing we know: there is only one God. No man, be he Red man or White man, can be apart. We ARE all brothers after all."

* * *

i couldnt help feeling so ashamed of myself after reading this. i still feel the shame. what have we been doing to our earth? our earth that has given us so much of itself? and is still continuing to do so?

we learn so much about environmental awareness and sustainability in school, especially for us in architecture. not a day goes by without us having to consider the environmental impact of our designs..... so with all that we have learnt...

what can we offer to our earth?

trains. the visual entry.

trains.

i'm meant to be researching and studying for my design project. but instead i have the strongest urge to put up this post i've been drafting in my head.

trains.

in singapore, train rides are just... almost unavoidable. you dont love it. some dont hate it. most just live with it. i personally do my utmost to avoid it. and almost succeed! the wonders of a tertiary buspass... :)

my point here, though, is that. train rides are long, silent (if in a carriage without a pack of students or children), monotonous (for those without a good read or good music)....

hell. food and drink aren't even ALLOWED. for good reason too. we already have piss-smelling lifts. we don't need rotten-food-smelling trains. :)

well. i've had some encounters on trains in quite a few countries. london underground is.. heat-stroke-causing in summer, (probably) butt-freezing in winter. switzerland trains are marvellous. nothing more i can say. hongkong mtr is efficient, with even blinking light indicators to show the stop you're at. bangkok btr(?) is.. fast? a tad confusing in the station circulation. dont think i ever took the train in australia. nor malaysia.

the korean metro however... has since (since arriving here and my first use of it on the 20th of july this year) become a major topic of discussion for us singaporean students here on exchange.

one can do just about anything one wants on the korean metro. possibly all except smoke?

to list down all the incriminating incidents of how interesting and fascinating the korean metro is would kill me. it far exceeds the number of meals ive had here in korea. :p there are, however, a fair few examples that i think will suffice. :)

CASE STUDY 1:
when i say you can do just about anything on the train here in korea, i MEAN just about anything. and people REALLY DO DO just about anything. this includes selling CDs of classic korean ballads.. whilst blasting one on a portable transistor as advertising for your product.. and shouting above the blasting of your played product to inform potential customers (albeit busy reading the newspapers or sleeping or chatting amongst themselves) of the deal they're missing out on should they choose to forego this wonderful opportunity.

some others come around selling men's socks.. the.. arab sheikh kind silk(?) socks.. in two shades: black and grey..

picnic mats. HUGE. printed straw on one side and silver on the other.

torchlights. small. convenient to carry, with a clip. though.. when clipped to anything, looks like the lights on the top of miners' helmets..

well.. there are tonnes more yet. i just can't seem to summon them to the forefront of my thoughts. :) so yes. you can just about do anything.. like. sell stuff.

* * *

CASE STUDY 2:
then there's the controversial topic of preaching and evangelising.

freedom of speech is something advocated everywhere... in many countries all over the world. most people are, however, still hesitant to speak of political or religious issues. yet... the christian population i've encountered here in korea are all mighty believers and preachers and recruiters.... i've had a woman (previously seated down on a bench under a pavilion in school) jump up and walk over to me saying something in korean before realising i'm foreign and swapping to english and asking if i've heard of God.

this does not escape the jurisdiction of "Things You Can Do on the Korean Metro" mandate.

whilst on the train one time, exhausted from a long day at work (eventful for me, not so for some others) and full of dinner, most of us were fast asleep on scattered seats. even with my earphones plugged into my ears, blasting keane's under the iron sea album, i got awoken by some shouts... that didn't sound friendly.

two guys, GROWN men, were standing (almost confrontationally) at one end of the carriage we were in.. by this time all eyes were either dead shut (asleep) or on them. and one was dressed respectably in a grey jacket suit while the other was.. in brown slacks and a tee.. both were in a disagreement.* and being the kaypo singaporean i am, i was resolved to find out the topic of discussion between the two koreans afterward.

*one does not need to have full understanding of any one language to discern a friendly discussion from a plain disagreement.

so that's just what i did. after the train ride, i rushed over to the side of my korean friend and sought the answer to my question.

it turned out that Grey Suited was preaching about God and Christianity at the end of the carriage, and this is done quite alot. No harm done there. most passengers would just switch on their selective hearing and focus on whatever else they wanted. unfortunately for Grey Suited, he preached at the end of the carriage where Brown Slacked sat. Brown Slacked (obviously NOT a christian) got offended by what Grey Suited had to offer in his judgement on the world.. or rather.. his relaying of God's judgement on the world and what would happen to those who do not answer to His call... and asked him (whether politely or not i haven't a clue) to vacate his present position and to seek some other point of proclamation. this evolved into a heated "discussion" and resulted in two redfaced koreans. Grey Suited, obliging and moving off, and Brown Slacked not budging and chasing him out of the train, with shouts of some Korean adjectives.. probably best left unrevealed.. :)

i bet another factor was involved. Brown Slacked might have been drunk.

* * *

SO. only two case studies and already this post is getting toooo long.. well then. briefly. other examples include having a couple of drunk teenagers exposing fellow peer's newly bought boxers, waving them in the air, then whacking one another hard on the head; a lady throwing up beside me; meeting a singapore PR korean lady seated beside me; having a wacky looking guy (all artisty with the black beret on the head of long grey hair swept up in a ponytail and with a beard) seated next to me take a page from a newspaper and sketching floor plans on the page's empty spaces; having a 1.5hr train ride drag to a 2.25hr train ride, with the additional duration being spent stuck in the middle of an underground tunnel, surrounded by a horde of people itching to get to work, and having your oxygen supply dwindle to the point of your glasses fogging up just from breathing normally.(apparently there was an accident or someone died?)

ooh ooh ooh!!! the MOST important thing. the ONE time i saw the single most DASHINGLY CUTE korean guy seated adjacently opposite me.

yes. that pretty much sums it all up. trains. :)

sombre sunday

weird.. my previous post refuses to show up on the blog... :( oh well...

as the title states.. today's a sombre grey sunday... skies have been grey all morning and afternoon... raining/drizzling nonstop... today's sermon was about trusting in Him and forgiveness... forgiving others as He forgave us.... simple... stuff we Catholics recite every week at mass... but do we actually really stop to do any of it..? there was a sharing session afterwards, as with every other week... and it took me time but i finally shared.... shared how difficult it is to forgive others.

by right, it's tough to forgive people who have hurt us directly and who have done us wrong. if it wasn't so personal, like a sin committed against another person, it shouldn't affect us as much.... BY RIGHT, it should be easier to forgive in that situation.... but i can't.... i somehow can't bring myself to forgive one who has hurt the one i love.... oh well... at least i let it out today.. feel a little better about it... but i guess i'm slowly beginning to forgive... that's good right?

anyway... decided to come home to rest today. the rest headed out to seoul... really not in the mood for seoul today i think.. just want some quiet..... time alone.. to think....

an old song i sang for a wedding once... heard again on class 95 the other night, all the way here in korea....blogged it before too.. a long way back... miss listening to the song... ciao... hope everyone had a better weekend than i did...

These Foolish Things by Frank Sinatra

A cigarette that bears a lipsticks' traces
An airline ticket to romantic places
And still my heart has wings
These foolish things remind me of you

A tinkling piano in the next apartment
Those stumbling words that told you what my heart meant
A fairground's painted swing
These foolish things remind me of you

You came, you saw, you conquered me
When you did that to me
I knew somehow this had to be

The winds of March that make my heart a dancer
A telephone that rings, but who’s to answer
Oh, how the ghost of you clings
These foolish things remind me of you

The smile of Turner and the scent of roses
The waiters whistling as the last bar closes
The song that Crosby sings
These foolish things remind me of you

Babe, these things remind me of you

emptiness

weird saturday it is for me today... felt strangely empty..... think i can kinda imagine what it feels like having a dementor around..... having the happiness sucked out from you..... drained dry....... and yet i brought it upon myself...

i have nothing nice or happy or encouraging to say. all i have are song lyrics in my head... and how apt some of them are at points in our lives.... what would we do without good songs and lyrics to get us through tough times.....

i guess i'll leave you all with this... at least it's happy.....

That's All by Michael Buble (cover)

I can only give you love that lasts forever
And the promise to be near each time you call
And the only heart I own
For you and you alone
That's all
That's all

I can only give you country walks in springtime
And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall
And a love whose burning light
Will warm the winter night
That's all
That's all

There are those I am sure who have told you
They would give you the world for a toy
All I have are these arms to enfold you
And a love time can never destroy

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return dear
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small
Say it's me that you adore
For now and ever more
That's all
That's all



i love you....